It’s been a while since I’ve done a post, and I’m really trying this year to blog more often so here we go. I hope your ready and along for the ride! Today I want to talk about my hobbies, some updates, and just life in general.
In a recent conversation with a close friend the topic of hobbies came up. She asked me what I enjoy doing outside of the gym. My response was something like this “well, uh, I like reading, blogging, and uhm yoga." Face palm. This bothered me and for a while I couldn’t develop a clear reason as to why. I mean I have close friends, this blog, family whom I love, and I keep busy with school and work.
I am not living my life to my fullest ability. I am not living with passion.
I want to explore new ideas, and new concepts. I want to break out of my current bubble and enter new and uncomfortable social realms. I want to live my life with passion each day versus just going though the motions. I’m actually extremely interested in meditation, art, and photography. Have I ever explored any of these? No. Why? I feel uncomfortable, and quite honestly my brain is usually way to exhausted to even consider. I want to change that.
My current life needs some change.
I’m going through the motions these days. I’m losing interest, passion, and hope. Yes, hope. I’m being more and more bombarded with Ed thoughts and sorry I’m not sorry but I’m determined to never to back to where I was last fall and even relapses before that. I’m still early in recovery so I know I’m going to slip a bit, but that doesn’t make it ok, and that doesn’t mean I need or will relapse. I won’t. I want to live for me, Sarah. I want to fill my life with passion, hope, love, and laughter.
After all, life is a beautiful thing.
This past week has been full of some tough decisions, which I’m going to discuss in my next post but trust me they are good ones
Lately it’s been the typical routine of school, babysitting, work, homework, lifting, yoga, and doctors. Although the doctors are becoming less and less (not because I’m feeling better, but because I’m sick and tired of getting the “well, you definitely have something going on, but… you did have a pretty bad eating disorder.” Face palm #2. It is what it is. As much as I hate to say I’m learning to live with feeling like crap-ola, I’m saying it. Unless I want to go fully insane with doctors and testing and lose all the last bits of hope I still am hanging onto, I’m learning to live with it. Right now, this is ok with me. It could be worse and I’m very aware and thankful for that.
I’m thankful for what my body can do.
Next week is spring break and you can be damn sure it’ll be filled with exploring, re-lighting my inner fire, coffee dates, and well work. Hopefully some sleep too