I drank the CF kool aid

I finally succumbed to the pressure that is CrossFit. A while back I had joined for a short time and ended my membership due to school being my priority at the time. Also, this was while I was deep in my disorder. AKA double whammy negative sh*t storm.

I joined the same affiliate again for the second round and am loving it. I can officially say I drank the CrossFit kool aid. First off I’d like to comment on how ridiculous that phase sounds. Ridiculous but I kind of like it. You know what else I kind of like? The Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice tea that I’m currently drinking. Mmm. Anyways, did I say I have ADD? No seriously. Truth.

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The main thing I’m loving about the gym I belong to is the programming. My coach and I discussed injuries (past/still lingering – more to come), medical, and goals. We decided that I will do the strength portion of each workout and then swap out conditioning for either an additional strength or mobility depending on how I’m feeling. For example yesterdays workout was…

 

  • Warm up/mobility
  • Bulgarian split squat: warm up sets and then 3×6 work sets
  • Nixed conditioning and instead did 3×6 romanian deadlifts
  • Ended the workout with 10 breaths in a deep squat and some foam rolling

 

All this strength stuff is my “specialty”. I’ve always found that I really enjoy lifting and would love to compete one day in powerlifting, note I say one day making sure not too soon into my recovery process. I realize that I can’t do much more than ponder the ideas of competition at this point with only being a few months into recovery and weight restoration. It’s a risky slope, and one I’m not willing to fall back down.

My relationship with exercise is one I struggle with because it is such a passion for me but also I can’t ignore the fact that I’ve also gone to the obsessive side of things. There has already been a lot of work done around this topic and I do hope to both share more on this blog and look into it more for my own knowledge. As I noted in my manifesto, which by the way has it’s own page now… I think it’s really important to keep evolving as a person, which is exactly what I intend to do.

 

Have you tried CrossFit?

Strength work or conditioning? Or, both?

GO BUY HOT CINNAMON SPICE TEA Winking smile

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A manifesto for my life

I was looking through old journals, you know those notebooks that keep piling up but tend to never be looked back through? I decided to take a peak, I wanted to see how much I’ve grown and where I still struggle. While going through I began to notice certain patterns, specific phrases or words, and ideas that really stuck out to me. From this I decided heck why not create a manifesto for my life.

I mean who doesn’t love a good manifesto?! For one, the Lululemon one printed all over their bags is a favorite of mine – but still I wanted something more personal. I wanted something that was original to me.

Over the past few years I’ve really began to develop my own niche. I know what I like and you best believe I know what I don’t like. The things that make me happy and things that just piss me off. With that being said I do believe in constantly pushing yourself and evolving as a person. It’s always good to look into new things that spark an interest, and let go of things that no longer serve you.

For right now, this is my manifesto.

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Do work. Fight hard. Live good. Stay focused. Don’t worry. Lift heavy. Food is fuel. Enjoy movement. Be mobile. Laugh. Don’t save anything for the run back. Push yourself, mentally and physically. Stop and listen. Drink water. Tell people how much they mean to you. Work for it every.single.day, Do deadlifts. Allow rest. Espresso is always better than coffee. Take action. Be humble. Be even more humble. Don’t even consider giving up. Take naps. Eat good food. Enjoy good food. Trust people. Say thank you. Slow down when need be, speed up when you can. Ask for help. Give when nobody is watching. Practice lifting form. Form > weight. Constantly work on mental strength. Ignite passion. Leave the past behind. Don’t quit, can’t fail.

 

If you were to write a manifesto for your life, what’s one thing that would definitely be included?

What do we have in common?

No more kidding around

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I just love that quote. It’s so true. What happens if I stop fighting before the fight is done? I either stay partially stuck or go backwards. In all honesty, what about either of those options sounds good? Oh wait, nothing.

I have news. Last Saturday marks the first day of IOP (Intensive outpatient program). That’s right, I entered myself into an IOP for my eating disorder recovery. Why? because I want this. Because I feel myself slipping back to old habits. I’m done.

It is 5x a week; 4 nights and Saturday mornings. I can’t make any real judgments yet considering it’s my first week but so far there are definitely a few pro’s and con’s. At the same time, I know with any program there are con’s… such as life. It’s all mindset, so I’m just thinking positive.

I want my life back, and I’m fighting for my life back. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m going to eat until I feel uncomfortable and keep going (because if I’m working out I really don’t have any other options). I’m focused, determined, and ready to kill it.

Here’s to anyone looking at making a change in their life, big decision, or anything else that raises an uncomfortable feeling such as uncertainty (even though you know it’s the right choice deep down)… go for it.

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I want that back. But, this time I want to be healthy while doing it. To be entirely honest I have a very complex disorder (not an excuse, nor an undermining of anyone else’s struggle), just a fact.

I do have goals for my recovery and my life after recovery. Some of which are, learning to accept where I am, allowing good enough to be good enough, losing my obsession with planning, taking a day off without feeling of guilt, the ability to say no – because I’m not superwoman (as much as I’d love to believe that to be true).

I want to explore new hobbies and break off of the very clear and precise path I have set for myself. It doesn’t feel right. Where I have been going with my life doesn’t feel right. I know what I want deep down and I know I am very capable of reaching my goals but I’m terrified of success. I’m also terrified of failure. Either way I lose. There is no winning outcome with a fear of both failure and success. There is a very dark middle ground. A middle ground that has a tendency to keep repeating itself.

I’m excited for the day where I wake up thriving on life, smile on my face, and stoked about where I am and what I’m doing. Who knows it could be next month, or next year. Next month sounds better though to me so let’s get this under-way. Time to crack at recovery. Damn it feels amazing to say that. You know what else feels amazing? Finally making the choice to enter treatment for myself.

♥ S

Little things that make me swoon

Hey there buttercups!

For those of you (like me) who are on spring break this week I hope your enjoying it and taking in some good relaxation as the week comes to an end. For those of you who have next week off I’m a bit jealous get ready to recharge your internal batteries.

Today I wanted to do a simple yet fun for me at least post. I’m going to shed some insight on the little things that make me smile big and jump with joy (both inside and out)!

The sunshine that New Hampshire has been blessed with this past week!

New Lululemon goodies.

The Mat

Insert the best yoga mat ever. I’ve been practicing a lot lately and found that the little grippies on my Gaiam mat drive me nutzo into crazy lady status. Thanks, Lululemon for never letting me down.

Oh, uhm, Lulu headbands rock too. First headband ever to not slide right off my oddly shaped head. End of story.

Harney & Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice and everything nice

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Tea in general. Speaking of tea, check this stuff out. Holy crap your taste buds will thank me.

Selfies.

Sweet potatoes.

Hitting a PR in the weight room.

Essie nail polish.

Motivational quotes like this one. Total truth.

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But, when all else fails. Sorry I’m not sorry.

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Reading. The Hunger Games, Paleo books, George Orwell, Fahrenheit 451, The Common Law, Fire Starter Sessions.. just to name a few. The list is too long, that WOULD bore you. Maybe I’ll make a tab on it, but probably not lets just be honest here.

Spotify. If you don’t have this yet, get it, for your own sanity and sense of mind.

Did I mention selfies? More like bun-head. Let’s settle with bun head. Sounds way cooler.

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What makes you swoon?

Burpees or…?

Bun head or ponytail?